When it came time to choose my wedding dress, I knew I wanted my mom there every step of the way. She’s been my role model, my confidante, and my biggest cheerleader. We’d spent countless weekends watching wedding shows together, dreaming of what my dress would look like when the day finally arrived. But as much as we agreed on almost everything, I knew finding a dress that we both adored might be challenging. After all, we were both bringing our own visions and emotions to the process. What I discovered, though, was that these differences turned out to be a beautiful part of the journey.
Whether you’re shopping for your wedding dress or helping your mom find her own “mother of the bride” gown, here are some lessons I learned about blending tastes, celebrating shared moments, and ultimately finding something that honors both your vision and hers.
Step 1: Embracing the Power of Shared Expectations
When we first started discussing the dress shopping experience, I quickly realized that my mom and I each had expectations we hadn’t fully voiced. For me, I dreamed of a dress that would make me feel elegant, modern, and uniquely “me.” My mom, however, was thinking about traditions and timeless beauty. She wanted me to feel like a “classic bride,” and, in her mind, that leaned more toward traditional ball gowns and veils.
This realization was essential. Before we stepped foot in a boutique, we sat down and talked through our shared vision for the dress and our hopes for the experience. I learned that she saw this moment as a rite of passage—an opportunity to relive some of her wedding memories and see me step into this new chapter. In turn, she understood that I needed something that reflected my personality and modern sensibility. This initial conversation helped us approach dress shopping as a team, open to both compromise and understanding.
Step 2: Set Boundaries for an Enjoyable Experience
With clear expectations, our dress shopping experience started off on a positive note, but we quickly encountered some challenges. My mom loved the idea of dramatic lace and satin details, while I gravitated toward simpler, minimalist designs. She adored every big, ballgown wedding dresses with a sweeping train, while I was drawn to sleeker, more fitted styles.
To keep things smooth, we set a few boundaries. We agreed that I’d try on some of her choices and she’d keep an open mind about my more modern picks. This mutual effort to explore each other’s tastes allowed both of us to feel seen and respected. The experience stopped feeling like a tug-of-war and became more of a shared adventure.
Boundaries are essential because they allow each person to enjoy the process without feeling pressured. For example, if you know your mom loves tradition but you’re not into lace, agree to try one dress with lace for her. It’s about creating a space where both of you can explore ideas together without feeling overwhelmed by each other’s expectations.
Step 3: Finding Middle Ground: Blending Both Your Styles
After trying on a few dresses, I realized that while we may have had different tastes, there was room for compromise. I ended up falling in love with a gown that had a clean, elegant silhouette but also included some lace details in the train and bodice. The lace wasn’t overwhelming, but it had enough of the traditional touch my mom adored.
Similarly, I added a classic veil, which wasn’t initially in my plan but meant a lot to her. The veil became our “middle ground”—a beautiful accessory that honored her idea of a bridal look while keeping the focus on the simplicity of my dress. Little compromises like these made both of us happy and helped us feel that the final look was a blend of both our tastes.
Finding a middle ground might mean choosing a dress with subtle details that nod to both modern and classic styles. Or it could mean selecting a dress for yourself and letting your mom’s input shine in accessories like the veil, shoes, or jewelry.
Step 4: Choosing the Perfect Mother-of-the-Bride Dress
Just as my mom wanted me to look my best, I wanted her to feel beautiful and confident on my wedding day. While the focus was on my gown, it was equally important to help her find a mother-of-the-bride dress that she loved. I wanted to make this moment special for her as well, so we scheduled a day just for her dress shopping.
Watching her try on dresses was one of my favorite parts of the experience. She looked radiant, trying on different colors and cuts that suited her style and personality. I loved seeing her light up when she found a dress in a deep, elegant navy blue with a fitted bodice and flowing skirt. It was sophisticated, timeless, and just a bit modern—perfect for her.
Helping my mom choose her dress brought a new depth to our relationship. I realized how much it meant to her to feel special, too, and I felt honored to be part of her process. By giving each other the space to make these important style choices, we both felt seen and celebrated.
Step 5: Creating Moments to Cherish Beyond the Dress
As beautiful as the dresses were, what made the experience unforgettable were the little moments we shared along the way. I’ll never forget the joy in her eyes when I stepped out of the dressing room in the dress. Or the way she’d tear up when I twirled, imagining me on the aisle. These moments were worth every bit of compromise and every conversation we had.
We celebrated with a little lunch afterward, recounting the experience and laughing about all the dresses that had definitely not been “the one.” It was a reminder that this process was more than just finding the perfect dress—it was about creating memories that we’d both cherish for years to come.
If you’re navigating the dress shopping journey with your mom, I recommend making space for these moments. Take photos, enjoy a lunch or coffee break together, and talk about the day. These little rituals turn the experience into something even more special and meaningful.
Conclusion: Finding a Dress That Honors Both of You
In the end, the dress I chose was one that we both fell in love with—a stunning combination of my modern taste and her love for tradition. It felt like a beautiful tribute to both of us and the relationship we’ve shared through the years. The dress was more than just an outfit; it was a symbol of our bond, our shared journey, and this moment of transition as I stepped into a new chapter of life.
Choosing a dress that both you and your mom love may take time, patience, and understanding, but it’s worth every effort. The journey isn’t just about finding the perfect gown; it’s about strengthening the bond you share, honoring each other’s dreams, and creating memories that you’ll both hold close. Looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing about our dress shopping adventure—and I know that each time I look at my wedding photos, I’ll remember all the love and laughter that went into that choice.
If you’re about to embark on this journey, embrace every part of it. Be open to compromise, honor each other’s visions, and, most importantly, remember that this is a day for both of you to cherish. Because at the end of the day, it’s not just the dress that makes the moment—it’s the love you share with those who stand beside you.